Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
