Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
