I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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