I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
