So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
