We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
