So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
