Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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