I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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