Just cropdusted the office
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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