I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
