Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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