i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
