I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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