The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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