You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
