I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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