naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I touched a dick in church today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
