is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
