Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
