i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
