This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's shark week go big or go home
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
