tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
