did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
