Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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