Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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