I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize