I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow