I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
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I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
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See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.