She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!