well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
