Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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