this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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