Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
