The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
