Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
