Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
