being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
