i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
