he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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