We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
