You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
