turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
