If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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