My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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