i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
