you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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