peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
