Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
