Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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