"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
