There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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