Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
