i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
