I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
