tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
