just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
