My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
