Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
