Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
