either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
