I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
