I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
