is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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