i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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