My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
