im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
