So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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