so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
