The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Someone shit on the floor
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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