even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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