I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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