First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
