member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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