This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
