Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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