just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
