But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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