Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
