well I can't set my house on fire every night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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