you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We left the knife in your bed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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